I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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