Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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