I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
