you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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