apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
