I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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