We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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