I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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