pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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