I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
