dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
