youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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