So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
