I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
