do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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