we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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