dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
