Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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