that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
