Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
