eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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