meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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