oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
