That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
