this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
