im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
