I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
