You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
