i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
