So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Less talking, more tequila
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
