I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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