Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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