oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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