Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize