WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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