I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
