I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
