what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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