Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
is it fun? or sober?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
