I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
