1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
