if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
