Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize