I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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