i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
