you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
