i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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