please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're like the curious george of whores
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
