i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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