I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize