Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
