We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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