If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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