Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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