Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
