apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Shame - the story of my life.
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