Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
