I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
