I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
