My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
