Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
