somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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