Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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