yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize