Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
