i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
