What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
