if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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