Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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