Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
