I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
