I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
