just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
