Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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