i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
