She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
