In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
one two three fourrrrnication!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
