So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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