Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
